Do you know what the real tragedy of a Moscow intellectual is? It’s not the queues for Bolshoi tickets, nor is it the annual quest to “find parking within the Third Ring Road.” Our main drama is that we don’t know how to say “Nyet.” And I, your humble servant, stylist, storyteller, and, coincidentally, a sufferer, can attest to every single word of this.
Back in the day, a refusal was an event. It sounded weighty, like a gunshot in the third act. Today, however, it’s dissolved into the endless “micro-yes”—a viscous, sticky sea of small-scale agreements that devour your time like a pack of hungry pigeons attacking a dropped croissant.
📞 The Quest: Work Chats — The Little Thieves of Time
My day used to start perfectly, like the strict prose of Nabokov: coffee, a window, and then the first half-hour of work on a launch strategy that demands absolute silence and surgical precision. But then He enters the stage—The Work Chat.
I have maybe a dozen of these things, by my modest estimation. And each one is a small thief who doesn’t carry away the safe, but simply, unnoticed, slips away with one golden coin of your time. “Just take a quick look at this,” “Just give feedback on the headline,” “Just forward this meme,” “Just write two words, the deadline is burning!”
68% of managers, as the gentlemen from LinkedIn recently found out, are sinking in this swamp. We, the creative intelligentsia, are submerged in it up to our elbows, right up to the collars of our expensive shirts.
These aren’t requests. This is flat-out digital panhandling—an easy, effortless way to shift a micro-task onto someone who, in their opinion, “is always online.” And in Moscow, where everyone is used to “solving issues” (reshat’ voprosy) instantly, this has become almost a national strategy. You must reply. You must be available. Didn’t answer within five minutes? You’re either incompetent or… dead.
By the way, if you’re still trying to crack the local business code, my take on the lessons they skip at Wharton might come in handy: “A Month in Moscow: The Lessons They Don’t Teach in Business School.“
🎭 The Art of the Moscow “NO”: Not Rudeness, But Self-Preservation
I tried. Honestly. I set my status to “Do Not Disturb” (which only triggered a double flow of messages asking, “Why aren’t you being disturbed?”). Nothing worked until I remembered a rule as old as time: a true refusal is not an explanation, it is a fact.
Two techniques helped me, and they worked even in the most cynical Moscow rhythm:
- “I’m in the Moment” (The Buffer): To the request “Just take a look” or “Give quick advice,” I now reply: “I am currently focused on my work. I’ll put this in my plan and do it today after six.” Full stop. I don’t say “No,” but I move their urgent task into my non-urgent window. In 90% of cases, the issue resolves itself because it wasn’t urgent to begin with.
- “The Cost of the Question” (The Cost): This is for those who ask to “just glance at my draft” or “quickly fix a couple of slides.” I reply: “Look, buddy, my focus is on the key launch right now. This ‘quick fix’ costs me a day. So, what’s the better ROI: a fast patch or the actual profit? If it’s truly urgent, we need to talk priority shifts and compensation. Otherwise, I’m locking it in for Friday.” Suddenly, “just fixing” stops being free. Setting a price is the most honest barrier.
A Muscovite loves clear rules of the game. If you set your own, they either play by them or look for someone else to send a “micro-yes” to.
🏛️ The Philosophy of “Enough”
This is not about rudeness, believe me. It is about mental hygiene. It’s about maintaining a sharp mind so that your strategies and texts don’t turn into a murky stream of clichés. If you constantly scatter your resources on others’ “five-minute tasks,” you won’t have the strength left for your own hour of silence. And it is there, as one of my literary heroes used to say, that everything worth reading and discussing is born.
Our “enough” is not the end of the conversation. It is the beginning of respect for our own time. And in this, perhaps, lies the true, confident, non-fussy style of life in Moscow.
And now, excuse me. I have exactly one hour of silence. And I am not going to spend it on a chat notification.
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This really resonates! The ‘micro-yes’ concept is so accurate – it’s like death by a thousand tiny favors. I’ve been drowning in Slack notifications myself, and your ‘Cost of the Question’ approach is brilliant. Setting that boundary without being rude is an art form. Thanks for putting this into words!
The buffer technique is gold! I’ve been struggling with that exact issue where people expect instant responses. Moving requests to a later time slot really does filter out what’s actually urgent. It’s interesting how similar this pressure is across different cities.
The ‘Buffer’ technique is such a game-changer. I’ve been trapped in that endless loop of ‘quick questions’ that somehow eat up entire afternoons. Your point about 90% of urgent requests resolving themselves is spot-on. Time to reclaim my focus hours!